Monday, March 15, 2010

It's Not Funny BOSS

It has been a while since I wrote something and then I read someone lament about the slow death that his blog was going through; it woke me up from my stupor and complacency (no writer's block, pure ennui). Let's see if I can string some pearls of humorous tid bits today (though I am not too hopeful).

There is nothing normal about my life these days. Its topsy-turvy and I can't figure why. I have never been so busy yet so free in my head. I run to office and then I run back and the next day I run back and in between I eat and sleep and yes sometime at work I do take a breather and the cycle continues. I am stuck and I can't run too fast and far.

I am unable to unlock the secret of this mysterious situation. I thought food would assuage it, tried binging - no luck (I feel a bit fat). Tried finding solace in sports and soaps - failed, them I have also tried watching almost all the Oscar winning movies to keep with the latest in the movie business and get the zing but still feel parched (and depressed). Ahh... the search is still on. Being a teetotaler is difficult.

What is it that could help me?  The answer my friend is a clever joke.

1) A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

2) Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.'

Robert looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'

3) A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, 'Why are you trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only 20 meters away?'

'Well,' replied the jay walker, 'I hope it's having better luck than me.

4) Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'

The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Anyone Can Cook (eggs)

I wanted to be a chef 10 years ago, not just a chef but the greatest chef. I idolized Gordon Ramsay of the Hell’s Kitchen fame (though there was no Hell's Kitchen then) and asked frequently for Escoffier's blessings. I could differentiate my consomm√© from the other clear soups and could rattle off the names of the french mother sauces and their derivatives and come up with a quick menu in no time; let me pause for a quick breath here.

Things have changes since then; now I am just a plain egg cook (not even a chef). I see changes in myself too; starting from appearance to my outlook (pun intended). Nobody knows this has been an extraordinary year for me (how would anyone know until I shout). I have stopped doing extra and ordinary work completely at home and at work place also. I spend less time in office, less time eating, less time sleeping and more traveling, talking and dreaming.

After a recent visit to see my brother, the dormant chef in me seems to have awakened (I helped fix dinner for his house warming party). Since then I have being doing rounds of the stores in town for the appropriate (read unnecessary expensive) kitchen tools and utensils to satisfy my culinary and gourmet aspiration. The other day, I nearly bought a knife set work Rs/-12,000 - don't sigh there were more expensive one too.

Today, I tried cooking biryani needless to say it turned out a better and improved version of the pullav (What were you thinking? I am more than a decent cook.). And en route to office, I even conjured up images of myself doing the best of food.

Let's see what I am good at.

- Tea (nobody can make better than me)
- Coffee (quick fix in 2 mines)
- Eggs (my repertoire range from scramble to sunny side up)
- Pullav (most of the times it turns out to be finger licking good)
- Maggi (trust me, it requires special skills to conjure the right kind - not too soupy not too dry)

What would be my next step..

1. Read and compare recipes
2. Try the best of recipes and improvise
3. Throw a lunch for unsuspecting friends
4. Standardize the recipe after few of these lunch trials
5. Share the recipe with friends and family
6. Volunteer to cook for them on special occasions
7. Get rated and evaluated
8. Walk around with air

But then when do I get to eat and relish the good food?; maybe never.
Stop chef stop.

Bye bye dream. I am happy being an egg cook.