Friday, December 31, 2010


Time stares at us
As we dig for the gold
Sweaty palm, and hungry eyes
We forget the dear ones home
He walks away
Scoffing at greedy us
We feel rushed
Hungry for time
That left us

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Smiles and Life

Tired of this life bound
No matter how hard I ran I was found
This time I want no one around
Calm of the ocean in my mind
I walk to break new ground
Smiles and life I seek unbound

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Christmas Story

"This piece is for special someone. It would stay in my memory and in the memory of that special someone even after the life and love has been sucked out of our beautiful bodies.”

He looked hard at the words then clenching his teeth, he tore the leaf leaving the perforation intact and a small piece hanging. He scrunches and rolled it tightly into a ball. After the demon of anger had passed through his body, he un-scrunched the page and read the line loudly and swore. "Pathetic! I am pathetic. I can't even string a small piece of persuasive writing to tell her how much I care for her."

He was a writer of bad repute; not in the sense that he wrote bad or his pieces didn't make sense but he was known more for turning a romantic piece into a botch up love gone wrong or you give love a bad name kind of narration. He still had followers who loved him for his fluid way of candid emotional expression and the way he could get them to emote on a very mundane day. Then he wrote this piece.


Jude lamented taking up the job. He held his calm and tried, "ok here is the deal. I am not the real Santa - this job has been kind of sourced to me. So I back off and we can go our ways and celebrate Christmas." "You must be kidding me. Trust me if you do not put that bike under my bed tonight, I would be even madder", El just hit her tolerance threshold.

El remembered that moment vividly. The memories came flooding back to her and she let out a faint smile. Heavy footsteps with the noise growing louder broke her trance. She turned around and saw him there - a tall suave looking man in a suit just walked away from his chauffer driven Rolls Royal. "I was not sure if you would turn up today. You look the same." She was facing him with the sun on her back hurrying to get behind the hill. Her silhouette was slender and stood elegantly in the golden light. “You haven't changed much too my dear. Look at your tone and attitude,” he slowed down and stopped just at an armsdistance from her. "You helped me to be what I am today", he spoke softly. It had been fifty years since that christmas when she needed a bicycle.

The Gift

"Dear Santa, My name is El and I am 10 years old. I like my mom, dad and my barbie doll. My mom says if I had been a good girl this year I can ask you to get me gifts. I had been thinking about so many things but because you have to travel all the way from the north pole so I would only ask you for a bicycle just like Lil's. Get me one in bright pink. I would wait. Mom says we should also help people. I have an extra pair of boots and if you would like to give them to someone needy. Love. El."

El dropped this letter in the box under the Christmas tree placed outside the JIM Departmental Store. The next morning the manager opened the box and read the letters left by the kids; he filed them all and made notes. It was a tradition for the JIM Departmental Store to give gifts to the five lucky kids each Christmas; this year El was one of those kid. The manager sent out Jude with the gift for El on the Christmas eve. Jude was trying to make some extra bucks by working with JIM during Christmas holidays. He was in high school. On his way dressed as a proper Santa he pulled over for a quick bite and when he returned the bicycle was missing from the truck. He couldn't see a soul around.


He dropped his coke and fries. He ran around the truck like a mad man. The bicycle was gone and there was no one around. Everyone in the town was huddled inside their houses celebrating christmas except for a few like Jude; he had no one to celebrate it with. He feared turning back and reporting to the manager about the lost bicycle. He would probable loose his job and the holiday pay and the bonus too. "Job done boss", "Done", "Delievered", he practised saying these words to get out of this sticky situation. Lying was not in his nature, he dismissed the idea and decided to take it on the chin like a brave man.

He knocked on the door; El's mom answered. While Jude was explaining El showed up and seem to have overheard their conversation. El was upset, not a word was spoken. Mom ran back to attened to the guests. Jude and El were left alone to discuss the issue. Jude explained her what has happened and after making a sorry face started walking away. "You must be kidding me...". Jude turned around, "I lost it. Sorry. I don't have money, otherwise I would have bought you one". "I bet you would not have any even after fifty years if you carry on being a careless idiot", she was fuming. This chaffed Jude, "I would see you at the hill top fifty years from today and I would show you what I can become".

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Last Wish

I hold your picture close and cry
Why did you fly miles
Leaving me alone longing in pain

I can feel your touch and hear your sweet voice
I would turn into a bird if he listened to the last wish
Would fly and be with you

My love grows like a monster
Die may I but the love would survive
My eyes wait for you

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

P.S I Love You

The things you do make me love you more;
each day and everyday.
Your sweet smell lingers;
even when you not near.
Kiss me each morning and night - I pray.
My smiles are for you - forever.
I miss you.

P.S I Love You.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I win each time I think of you

Freckles of time lead to my destiny
Lost in space of intellectual commotion
Hunger for better and more
I destroy the pristine being

Blind me from my worldly material pleasures
Deliver me calm and peace
Let me be born again to be nurtured by your love
Let the labour plays its game while destiny watches

Your  touch soothe my edgy nerves
Each time you kiss, reprieves me
Your love extracts me from the race
I win each time I think of you

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Bleeding Lover

Patience I can't keep
I am walking now
My bleeding heart cries loud
You my pain now
I look back over my shoulder
To catch you cry now
I have left you behind
You my memory now
Your love seeps out
I am dead now

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Phone Love


Day breaks
I check my phone
I search for your sweet messages
Disappointed, I flung it
It breaks into thousands pieces like my heart
Can’t fit the pieces
I wish I could glue them with my blood
Labyrinth of emotions
Gloom abundance
I wait for dusk to kill pain
I sleep and smile
Poison takes over

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Bad Love

 I fly right into the storms eye;
You wretched smile, desiring me to die.

I try to be wise and live a clean life;
Your demons scheme to slit my throat with rusted knive.

You do things that makes me cring and cry;
I would never forget you even in my grave dry.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Thirty Two

Thirty Two
Stray Grey
Marching on
If I drop
Bury me deep
Try to Remember me
Every  Oct 15th

Friday, October 8, 2010

Happy Birthday John Lennon

Happy b'day John, sorry Lennon;
Hope you well up there in the heaven.
Liverpool's son and peace beacon,
With fab four and alone you rocked like a maven.
I try hard to 'imagine',
A world with only sky and no heaven.
Chanted 'give peace a chance' from nine to seven;
It all came down to a question.
Would you been able to get rid of the hate vermin?
Had not Chapmen hit you in the back that night in New York at eleven.
Your departure left us millions shaken;
Left you us forsaken.
Still we sing your sweet tunes of 'imagine';
Happy b'day John Lennon.

John Winston Ono Lennon, (9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980) was an English singer-songwriter who rose to worldwide fame as one of the founding members of The Beatles and, with Paul McCartney, formed one of the most successful songwriting partnerships of the 20th century.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I Like It

Do you see the bright light in the sky
Do do do you see my sad eyes
My dreams flew and left me dry
Search I for a smile in the rye
Looking for a new dream to buy
Wipe my tears dry, I cry

Do you see that bright light
Do you see my eyes dry
Hold my hand
Support me so I could stand
Your touch and smile kind
Dreams we would weave and bind
We would fly high
And touch the sky

Monday, October 4, 2010

Let’s Play

Let’s play!
There was a time of no hope and no ray
For clear night and day we prayed
But we triumphant anyway
Up in the night sky the giant balloon sway
They watch our splendid ways

Hurray! Let’s play!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Girl With The lamb

Bring your ear near, my dear;
I would tell you a story true.
Runs it not in reams,
But has an interesting theme.
The hero is a young man;
Tough at the Himalayan ram.
Tried he hard to win nubile hearts,
To learn it’s easy to mend shards.
He gives up the dream,
And settled in the mountain serene.
One day he finds a lamb in his yard,
Then a sweet voice from the valley far.
He ran inside to run a comb through his hair,
And pulled he his best shirt on with flair.
The sweet was cute with rosy cheek and black eyes;
She sighed and said I wish I didn't had marriage ties.
She turned around with teary eyes;
The hero clutched his aching heart and became wise.
He lived on to write the greatest love story,
Pity he died a lonely man before his glory.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Tangled Thought

My big box of patience is now empty;
I wish I had handful more.
Like loose threads my thoughts hang,
Tangling now and then in impatience.
I talked and explained my mind;
Still the nagging thoughts waft about.
Closing eyes could be an answer;
But how do I fill my empty box?

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Debauch El Dorado

May you not do my sin;
Betrayed myself in hope of debauch El Dorado.
Smothered I the innocent life,
And set smiles at stakes with phony bravado.

There is no love left in the life,
No kick of exhilarating high.
Take these broken bottles away,
I would need my poison on knife.

Drown me in sorrow,
Deep till the last bubble blow out of my lung.
Tear my throat out;
Let the lesson be learnt to see me gasp with hanging tongue.

If you hear the noises at far,
Don’t plug your ears.
They call out for you,
To take you to the glorious frontier.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Will you catch me?

Will you forgive me my love?
If I tell you I do not love you anymore.

Will you blame her?
For stealing me away.
Will you wait for me?
And look out the window till the last ray of sun.
Will you loose your sanity?
To see me in her arms.
Will you accept me?
When she would breaks my heart. 
Will you catch me?
When I fall.

Monday, September 27, 2010

That's What She Said!

She said I am poor; I robbed a bank
She said she would not love a robber; I burned the loot
She said get a job; I build an empire
She said I don't have style; I started my own label
She said take a walk; I ran a county
She said don't love me; I said time to die
She said I am crazy; I said for you my love
She said kiss me; I said now and forever

Monday, May 31, 2010

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Hello Friend - 2

I stood in the hallway on that cold winter evening staring at room 567. It happened eight years back, I was hauled into this new school by my old man as again I had run into trouble in my last school. I have had problems with authorities, always. My old man was tired of moving me around and was giving me a change, the last chance to improve before he would disown me, that is what he told me when he dropped me there.

The army of helpers fixed things for me. I was too tired to take notice of anything around and slept off. The next morning, I was surprised to see this scrawny little wretched kid ‘K’ sharing my room. He appeared too hesitant to break ice with me. Months passed and all we had exchanged were couple of sentences. Most of the times he was neck deep in books and would refuse to play or take anything I offered, it hurt me.

I could sense that he hated me for being privileged. Yes, I had everything and was ready to share it but he kept distance. I didn’t like the fact that he hated me because of my rich father and not because of who I was. I extended my hand many a times to be friends but he was never interested. I spend two years in 567 with 'K' and then my old man pulled me off to England to get better education.

Eight years have passed and I have waited patiently for ‘K’ to pass his high school exams. It’s time to have my revenge – I have offered to sponsor his study in England, all arrangements done. He has been brought up on doles and scholarship, let’s see if his pride and principles allows him to accept it.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Hello Friend - 1

I stood in the hallway with my bags and the tears streamed down my cheeks. I had got a scholarship to study in England which I so badly desired to start a new life and a new beginning. The deafening chatter that would have made me flinch on other days seemed to pass unnoticed today.  I stood there gazing at room 576. I had almost been in that room for eight years. 

The first day when I was led into this room, I remember gingerly opening my bags to extract couple of hand me down from a distant relative which I neatly labelled to avoid getting misplaced. I had no idea how stupid I would look in those ill fitting clothes until I walked into the class the next day. Sometime later in the day 'S' barged into the room. I was to share the room with him and he was what I was not and what I could never be.

At times 'S' was as cultured as one could be and other times as rotten as a sewer rat. He walled in with an entourage of helpers who did everything for him before they left. He didn't notice me as if I was invisible and he slept off in his shoes. That night I helped ease his expensive shoes and covered him with a blanket.

He was someone who defeated and belittled my principles. He was the smartest in the class and everybody wanted to be his friends; he enjoyed that attention while I avoided him. He never studied, almost never but still managed to scrape through exams. After holidays he would get me gifts which I always refused - it had become my habit to refuse anything he would offer me. I hated him for being 'rich'. He never showed off but he had it all which I could have only dreamt.

We housed together for two years before he was packed off to some rich expensive school in Europe. In those two years we hardly spoke and I never called him my friend. Today morning, I stumbled upon my scholarship papers in the Head Master’s office - my scholarship was sponsored by 'S'.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


The time is ten and she want to rush home,
I hold on to her and we continue to roam;
We swing entwined arms like kids on beach,
She turns and kisses me on the cheek;
The feeling lingers while we walk slow,
I steal a glance and saw her eyes glow.

She frees herself reluctantly and go,
I stop and watch her flow;
I wish her to turn and smile,
She walks on with a tear in eye;
I turn around to go,
A loud noise makes me slow.

She lay on ground and shivering,
I hold her in arms she smiles her lips quivering;
Told you not to leave,
She says, ‘don’t grieve’;
The time is ten,
They waiting I shouldn't disappoint them.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Happy Reading

How was your day? A simple compulsory question of any nosy individual which is answered vaguely by 100% of us but it got Swami’s goat. He didn't answer it rather he shoulted back, 'how the f*** do you want it to be?' Question for question was not his style but his artistic mind had been quite restless that day. Everything in the room came to a stand still - the warm stale air stop moving, Raghu stopped chomping on his second burger, Radhika gaped and I apparently was smiling at the time the question was asked so it was natural for me to grin more. I found it unusual, not the outburst or the choice of words but the answer which apparently was a rhetoric - I could have an entire book on this choice phrase.

This incident happened in a meeting of an artistic club. This club, 'royal artists' has been in existence for six months now with seven uncommitted members or should I call wannabe artists-  they ranged for rockers to painters to poets to bloggers (thats me). And the founder, president, owner of the basement which housed the club was Swami.

Swami considered himself a struggling artist and lived and behaved live one though he had a rich father who he mailed a cheque every month as rent for the use of basement. The trade he plied was poetry. He wrote lofty poems in english which other members of the club always waited patiently for weeks and then praised them profusely not because they were Swami's but because they touched them deep inside. He has written poems on his favourite shoe, the watchmen, and the stray cat that has made the basemen her part home and also one on the man on mars. The man was a genius in his intellectual capacity.

Let me come back to why he reacted that way. Swami was upset because someone semi-seriously told him that they couldn't get the poem - they couldn't get the poem that he had sweated on for months. The poem in contention is published in my previous post. Happy Reading.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Must It Go On

Fashion must go on,
Gucci, Versace and security cordon.
Lovers galore and posh,
Life risqué and debauch.
Fast cars with leather fine,
Diamonds dazzles and shine.
Fly Paris for no reason,
Stay at Four Seasons.
Pâté and caviar,
Champagnes no bizarre.
Months of cruise at sea,
Best greens to tee.
My life is a big con,
Damn! must it go on.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tea, Coffee & Mom

I do not remember when I first tasted tea but I do remember my mom trying her level best to wean me away from it. The old trick - dude you would look like what is in the cup didn't work for me. I didn't have affinity to milk at all. My mom had ample supply of it from the Jersey cows which she reared but alas! I was no taker for their milk. I would run away, hide, fake being unwell etc. from that glass of milk. But what I remember most was the involuntary tumbling of the milk glass followed by sever scolding and the compulsory spanking. It almost happened daily and I have a strong belief that it was the milk fiend; he didn't like my attitude towards milk and to teach me a lesson would tumble the tumbler. I had absolutely no hand in it and before I would react or offer explanation my mom's wrath and fury would have taken over.

Then she gave up. And I was fed nectar of tea leaves, sweetened just right with a hint of milk. I didn't mind her warning that I would grow weak and small which unfortunately turned true. I have to confess that I have tried quite a variants (white/green/oolong/tisane) but  I come back to the good old intensely sweetened overcooked tea leaves sometimes flavored with ginger/cardamon/cloves/cinnamon etc. I never cared for health benefits of tea and still don't, I just love if for the thing it do to me.

Somewhere along I discovered coffee. I for a while liked it better then tea and started demanding it. Mom was happy initially as it had milk but she happen to read/hear that it is not good for health - she confused caffeine with nicotine and its supply was limited thereafter. But my love for coffee brewed more through the college days. Today, I swing between the regular cappuccinos, espresso and the exotic ones which I can’t even pronounce.

I have always found it difficult to choose when given a choice. Coffee or Tea and I always end up making a wrong choice and then cringe all along looking at the other person's drink and sipping regretful what I choose. I am not definitely absolutely a coffee or tea lover - my loyalty sway.

I only have ONE rule - Coffee on dates and Tea at home ;).

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Love AND Hate

I was waiting for her. The last thirty minutes had been the most difficult of my life in a good way. They were restless but blissful moments; finally she had agreed to meet me and I was not certain if she would be there. I didn’t want to be stood up; I would have so hated it. In these thirty minutes, I had seen and experienced more then what I had in my lifetime. I had never been an observer and never cared how people look, how they talk, how they behave and how they react and moreover how vulnerable they are.

She had asked me to wait for her at this busy street corner. On my right was the tea shop, it was more of a stall with a patched up tarpaulin serving as a canopy and saving the tea lovers from the burning summer sun. The smell of the overcooked tea with ginger was awful and just behind was the stationary shop. I am not sure
why she picked this spot but I heard her say, 'I would see you there at 5 PM. 'Where there?' I said in a meek and shy tone. 'The street cornet near the tea stall' and she walked away smiling; she looked and sounded as happy as me. I gave my college lecture a miss and gave a slip to my friends and was there at 4.30 PM.

I looked at my watch it was 5 PM. My heart was beating fast and my mind racing faster then the subway train. My eyes searched for her in the crowd and while the eyes did the searching my mind practised and rehearsed and re rehearsed what I was to say and how I was to carry on with the conversation. I was happy and never had been in so high spirits.

Then it happened. I heard a deafening noise and the next moment I was on the ground and all I could hear was loud voices all around. I could see the blood gush out of my stomach but felt no pain. I passed out and never ever woke up.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

How we hate us?

Finally some respite. I heard it's raining intermittently in the hills. Bless us. Finally! We would see some cheers and hopes. Hopes in the hearts of the farmers and cheers to the habitants of the plains - the sun has been harsh on us this April.

Only God knows who is to be blamed for this change. The favorite whipping boy has been the deterioration of the environment by us - felling of trees, emission of gases etc and then the other view - delay in disturbances.

One thing is destined - we would perish much more before this earth at the rate we are killing each other.

How we hate us?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Spot the LEADER

I have been reading about leadership tonight; the though primarily sprouted by a discussion on the FB group. Google returned 110,000,000 results for 'leadership'. No, I didn't read all of 110,000,000 pages but yes I did cherry pick some and found that almost everybody has a view on leadership. It's sad that we still search for one true great Leader.

Let's learn how to spot the leader (my way). Look for some of these qualities:
-Humility. I am no better or worse and would elevate you.
-Vision . Do I see a clear and vivid picture.
-Integrity. Are my actions and value in sync.
-Competence. I have earned my stripes.

It's baffling how some of us hog the limelight; some avoid it and some sulk as they couldn't get it. I have been the avoiding type with shades of sulking type. Some people shine not because they are born to shine but because they have the self belief and conviction to make a difference (I spot a LEADER there). Also, one can't borrow charisma it has to be build. They say you have to be other minded (trying to add value to others) to build charisma. Charisma would get you audience but the character would keep the audience. Character has to be bolstered by integrity. And what about integrity?

Yes, you right! We live in complex time indeed.

Monday, April 19, 2010

No Sweat

Another beautiful Sunday spoiled. It's in the real sense of HOT, please don't misconstrue HOT for zany, snazzy, lively, sexy and whatever adjective one might use to describe an extraordinary time. The mercury is touching 44 C and inching upwards each day.

I started my day early at 7 hoping to catch some cold breeze while I read newspaper and breakfast. I was in sweat from the heat then the spicy breakfast my grumbling mom made for me; her mood seems to be in sync with the weather these days. And by 8, I wanted to run away somewhere cold and never look back. My old air con seems to be inept in countering the heat (I do not blame him) and my finances don't even allow me to but a new handkerchief - excuse me, let me wipe off the sweat. The coolers are no longer coolants and the heat is getting into my head - I am loosing my cool.

Wonder why nobody is using the phrase No Sweat anymore.

(The HOT picture has been borrowed from the internet. © who cares)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Go fly a kite!

Ouch! It's a rushed one. Yes, I plan to do away with it in flat 5 min and dash off. I still have 4 more. I am very sure what I want to write about; it about me - the landlubber. My brother say that I have a magnet in me that keeps me grounded - I have never flown. Though I have tried the old trick of jumping off the walls and roofs but have met with the fate millions have met. We humans can't fly that the reason why we pay thousands for airfare. I have another 3 min. I am little pissed and I feel its okay to use the word 'pissed' to describe one frustration with the elitism and the attitude of the high fliers. Attitude! where did they learn to talk like that. The unexpected nemesis 'Ash Cloud' has grounded many like me. Ha ha... now who is laughing. I am done. Oh! I still have 20 sec left. Before I fly... cheerio!

(The stupid picture has been filched from internet. What were you thinking AS****#)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Wild Food

There is something strange and unique about the place where I come from (Kotgarh, Shimla). First, the folks are humble and blissfully happy in their small world. Second - they drink a lot of 'sharab'. Third - the folks treat every cut and bruise with mustard oil. Forth - when they give up after being to the best of doctors in the country they turn to 'kul devta', who miraculously happen to fix 99% of their problems. Fifth - we guys eat weird wild delight; blissfully ignorant that some of the stuff we get for free is coveted in gastronomic world and people pay through their nose to eat it. And we love our wild food and celebrate it.

Let me expand on the last one today -
Mother Nature has offered us abundant supplies of Morels, Fiddleheads, Chanterelle and Nettle. Let’s understand them better and enjoy them.

Morels: These distinctive honeycomb-like mushrooms are found in the wild and in abundance but difficult to locate as they blend in well with the nature. Ask any morel hunter and they would concur that the morels are found in the same spot for years and then disappear without a trace and also that they tend to appear in spring in an area of the forest that has been burned. The morel is widely appreciated by gourmets, who savor its earthy and nutty flavor. Morels are always hollow, and this is one of the differences between the morels and the false morels. They complement other fresh spring vegetables and have an earthy taste to them when cooked with herbs and butter.

Fiddlehead ferns: Unfurled fronds of a young fern found in the moist place near a stream. Fiddlehead ferns are a good source of vitamins A and C and should not be served raw as they have a slight bitterness until cooked and may cause stomach upset if eaten raw in quantity. Sauté, stir-fry or steam briefly to retain their crunchy texture and bright green color.

Chanterelle (Mushroom): Another wild delight and the efforts to cultivate Chanterelles have never proved successful.
The chanterelle is considered to be one of the best wild mushrooms in the world. Mostly they are orange or yellow, meaty and funnel-shaped.

Stinging Nettles:  Nettles are covered with tiny, nearly invisible stinging hairs that produce an intense, stinging pain, followed redness and skin irritation - ask someone who has had an accidental brush with it. The sweet discomfort it put one through is remembered all the living moments. But the best way to tame it is to use it as a medicine and food. Nettles usually appear in the same places year after year. Look for them in rich soil, disturbed habitats, moist woodlands, thickets, along rivers, and along partially shaded trails. You can replace the green in your food with it and get out your favorite soup with nettle. Nettles contain the highest plant source of iron and it is an excellent source of vitamins, minerals and protein. It is literally a “super-food” and FREE!

Bonum appetitionem! latin for Bon appetit!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

What a rip off?

We live in strange times. Each of us rip off other and the vicious cycle continues. Each party in this vicious circle pleads to be innocent and a victim at the same time. I have been over changed by Private Hospital, Taxis, Autos and the restaurant this week - I did put up a mild protest but in vain. I might move into the hate zone soon where I would perceive provider of any services for money as an enemy. Does it make sense to say thank you to people who rip you off your hard earned money?

There seem to be no place for an honest man today.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Saturday. Damn it!

A brand new day. It’s as saturated with goodness as a Saturday could be. It has been a while since I have been home on weekends (the buggers schedule me for work on weekend and most of the time for the night shift) and the best way to start it was to slip from office early. So I did slip and after a hearty breakfast I am tapping away at my crazy lappy. I call it crazy because it should have been dead by now but my finances and unwillingness to let it go has made me patch it up 4 times in 3 yrs and that has really made it unpredictable - now it work  & now it gives me attitude.

Oh! This post is absolutely not about Saturday and crazy lappy it’s about friends at work. I have labeled them basis their ability and they range from very ordinary to extraordinary. There is one who should implant the phone so that he can coo sweet nothing at even the most serious of the meeting into the phone while the sweetheart murmurs appreciation and then their is another one who is hardly seen at work and then their is one talent who has talent for goofing up. They also come in all shapes and sized and each has a talent and it is matched with their utility. One has a fabulous network and is the first to have the inside news - he is my man. And then there is one who has a perpetual smile but feels that he has been victimized, very confusing.

Come on, whatever they may be but they make workplace a delight to be at. I hate to be at work on weekends but love the bunch. Don't miss to say thanks to your colleagues and team mates - I do not care when the freaking Colleagues Day is.

Don't miss to read the newspaper today where an able man (HM) has offered to resign taking responsibility for the Dantewada incident.

Friday, April 9, 2010

My Horoscope

I have not put some ink into this blog for long. For sometime, I have been scratching for something serious. Time to move on and put mind over matters. It is a turning point in the life history of my blog; I am not going to be funny any more and the stuff I am going to write might not even be palatable to many but surely would be interesting. One has to think and write - I am because I think.

I am going to write for myself. Maybe an old friend might stumble upon this someday and say that the old bastard left us memories. You can read my later entries at you own peril (seriously).

My Horoscope for today. It might be the tipping point.

April 9 Libra

A number of great ideas either for new creative projects or enhancing ongoing ones could pop into your head during the day, Libra. If you don't write them down immediately, they could just as easily pop right out again, never to return!

Monday, March 15, 2010

It's Not Funny BOSS

It has been a while since I wrote something and then I read someone lament about the slow death that his blog was going through; it woke me up from my stupor and complacency (no writer's block, pure ennui). Let's see if I can string some pearls of humorous tid bits today (though I am not too hopeful).

There is nothing normal about my life these days. Its topsy-turvy and I can't figure why. I have never been so busy yet so free in my head. I run to office and then I run back and the next day I run back and in between I eat and sleep and yes sometime at work I do take a breather and the cycle continues. I am stuck and I can't run too fast and far.

I am unable to unlock the secret of this mysterious situation. I thought food would assuage it, tried binging - no luck (I feel a bit fat). Tried finding solace in sports and soaps - failed, them I have also tried watching almost all the Oscar winning movies to keep with the latest in the movie business and get the zing but still feel parched (and depressed). Ahh... the search is still on. Being a teetotaler is difficult.

What is it that could help me?  The answer my friend is a clever joke.

1) A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

2) Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.'

Robert looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'

3) A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, 'Why are you trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only 20 meters away?'

'Well,' replied the jay walker, 'I hope it's having better luck than me.

4) Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'

The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Anyone Can Cook (eggs)

I wanted to be a chef 10 years ago, not just a chef but the greatest chef. I idolized Gordon Ramsay of the Hell’s Kitchen fame (though there was no Hell's Kitchen then) and asked frequently for Escoffier's blessings. I could differentiate my consommé from the other clear soups and could rattle off the names of the french mother sauces and their derivatives and come up with a quick menu in no time; let me pause for a quick breath here.

Things have changes since then; now I am just a plain egg cook (not even a chef). I see changes in myself too; starting from appearance to my outlook (pun intended). Nobody knows this has been an extraordinary year for me (how would anyone know until I shout). I have stopped doing extra and ordinary work completely at home and at work place also. I spend less time in office, less time eating, less time sleeping and more traveling, talking and dreaming.

After a recent visit to see my brother, the dormant chef in me seems to have awakened (I helped fix dinner for his house warming party). Since then I have being doing rounds of the stores in town for the appropriate (read unnecessary expensive) kitchen tools and utensils to satisfy my culinary and gourmet aspiration. The other day, I nearly bought a knife set work Rs/-12,000 - don't sigh there were more expensive one too.

Today, I tried cooking biryani needless to say it turned out a better and improved version of the pullav (What were you thinking? I am more than a decent cook.). And en route to office, I even conjured up images of myself doing the best of food.

Let's see what I am good at.

- Tea (nobody can make better than me)
- Coffee (quick fix in 2 mines)
- Eggs (my repertoire range from scramble to sunny side up)
- Pullav (most of the times it turns out to be finger licking good)
- Maggi (trust me, it requires special skills to conjure the right kind - not too soupy not too dry)

What would be my next step..

1. Read and compare recipes
2. Try the best of recipes and improvise
3. Throw a lunch for unsuspecting friends
4. Standardize the recipe after few of these lunch trials
5. Share the recipe with friends and family
6. Volunteer to cook for them on special occasions
7. Get rated and evaluated
8. Walk around with air

But then when do I get to eat and relish the good food?; maybe never.
Stop chef stop.

Bye bye dream. I am happy being an egg cook.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Please Interview Me

Everybody fears interviews. Ask anyone that they would be interviewed and you could see tiny beads of sweat appear gently on their forehead in the freezing cold winter making it glisten more brightly than the morning sun. And if it happens to be a job interview some even have to remove their pullover (it’s getting hot in hear).
But being on the other side of the table is equally difficult.

A tid bit from one of the interview.

Who is your favourite author?
-I do not read books.

Would you like to see Rahul Gandhi as your next PM.
-No comments.

Your favourite movie star.
-I have none.

Talk about your city.
-I was not born here.

Why you here?
-For the interview.

Why you interested in this job?
-I am not interested, I just want to experience an interview.

What would you do with the experience?

-Use it in the next interview.

Thankyou for interviewing me.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy V'Day - Love Birds

A zoo is a place for animals. That's what I always thought until my visit to a small zoo (name omitted for obvious reasons). I had to kill time and was excite at the prospect of visiting a zoo in 20 years; last I visited a zoo was when I was 10.

I asked the hotel to pack sandwiches (did I mention they charged me a bomb) and off I went. After haggling a bit with the auto driver for the fare (it always helps), I set out. It was a bright sunny day; perfect for a zoo visit. I was dropped just beside the gate which proudly announced the ZOO. I stepped in and was greeted by concrete monkeys jeering at me; I learn later why they were jeering. I ignored them and bought my ticket and declared the stuff I had in the bag and deposited the plastic bags with them.

The beautiful flamingos greeted me as I steeped in, then the goose and then the pheasant and many more caged birds. Did I mention a languor even tried to rough me when he felt I had something in my pocket and was saving it for some other animal - that made me cautious and I dared not take my hands out post that incident.

The Zoo announced to have 55 odd animals (not too big a zoo, I thought) and during my 3 hrs stay there, I spotted at least 65 odd canoodling couples. Most looked hungry and starved; I bumped into them on every turn and every good shady spot. They would stop whatever they were doing when I would approach and start again when I passed them. I wanted one to click me in the zoo and I offered my camera, the bloke was taken aback and asked do I want to click them (duffer the camera is in your hand). I politely said 'no, please click me' (he did a really bad job with the pic).

I didn't know the zoo attracted so many love birds. Maybe the place gave them a perfect place to meet, amid grunts of rhino, growl of the lion, chirping of the birds and the shades of the trees. They not only distracted me but the animals too; I could see two monkey expressing their disgust. Plus some kept the zoo keeper busy to remind them to behave.

I felt I should leave the love birds and the animals alone. I found a quite spot under the shady tree, had my sandwich and napped. After my fill of sleep I walked out a disappointed man and again I was met up by the concrete monkeys. Now I know why they were jeering.

Happy V'Day.

P.S: Zoo is not too bad a place to spend time with ones beloved though. 

Friday, February 12, 2010

My Name Is 'Kumar'

My name is Vijay Kumar, call me Vijay. I have no idea where I live but if you ask me my gender and age, I can help you with the information (let me pull that wretched ticket).

My train was late last night by 10 hours. Don't gasp, it's pretty common in this part of the world. Someone (not too intelligent) has said in jest if humans can be late why can't the train?. You definitely have a point mister.

So, I was stranded. The curious travelers gasped and empathised and then the unwarranted advises started flowing. Some accused me for mindlessly booking on a this train (they say it is never on time), one even accused me of traveling in first class and then there were some who offered to help but they couldn't look for that someones number (I was hoping it was not that someone who I mentioned at the beginning) through the phone directory who could help.

I had to sneak into any train, I have had a rough day and over it this. I was prepared to travel any class even on a general ticket - with it you have the right to get on the train into the general compartment but in all probability one would either be standing and if lucky would get some inches to squat no and then (what more could you get for Rs/- 100). I had been away for 3 days and missed home; I wanted to be home in the morning and in my cozy bed.

I dragged my luggage and looked around for some help. I ran to the reservation counter but got a little confused with the counters (they say a lot and do little), I asked an unassuming old porter where I could get my general ticket. He casually asked me where I am traveling to and his next question was do you need a ticket - my eyes lit up. Of course! he took me outside and under the rain shelter his partner flashed a wad of ticket. He handed me one it had sex as M and age 27 on it and its was a sleeper class ticket. I paid him almost twice the price of ticket but I was happy that I would be home in the morning.

The adventure starts picking speed now. I rushed back to the platform and waived the ticket to the fellows who had suggested me to get a general one. They couldn't believe I had a real confirmed ticket (most were jealous). My first task was to find out what would my name be for this journey. I only had a part of my identity (sex and age) but that's not enough sometime (some of the ticket checkers try to make their jobs interesting by asking some personal questions and quizzing the travelers).

Thirty mins before the departure time they put up the list of the traveling passenger. There I was, but not as Kamal Sharma but Vijay Kumar. My name was to be Vijay Kumar for this journey. I memorized it and practiced introducing myself as Vijay.

Sweat broke down my forehead as I recalled a T.V advert of the 80's where one traveler was pretending to be 'Praveen Chadda' and traveling on someones ticket. He had to face humiliation and not to mention a hefty fine. It played in my head over and over again. I visualized myself fumbling when the checker would look at me and try to match the details (I even had a plan B if I was asked to deboard the train). I prepared my excuse statements and rehearsed them well (just in case) - my great grandfather is unwell and would breath his last any moment, I have an exam - 'mera career ka sawal hai' etc.

I looked upwards and shot a small prayer to the almighty to save me (if everything fails). The train chugged along noisily and after about 30 nervous minutes a lanky kid of about 25 asked me for my ticket. Before he could ask anything, I diverted his attention to the broken window and the loose latch and mildly complained. He muttered some acknowledgments and handed the ticket back to me. As he passed me I heaved a sigh of relief. Finally I smiled, it was a smile of triumph and victory but more of a relief.

Caution : Never travel on someones else ticket, it's a punishable crime; unless you like trouble and excitement.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

If you not on Facebook, I do not know you.

I have always loathed (read feared) joining any group(s) or anything social which involves introducing oneself and making intelligent and proper conversations (I completely lack in this skill). I have been shouting all this while 'I do not want no thought control', but I might have to admit, I have missed meeting some nice people (and shining in their company). Remember the old adage, if you don't have your own light steal some (I just made it up - hope you like it). Let's move on.

Lately, I am hooked to Facebook (if you are not on FB please do me a favor and click on the cross sign on the top right corner of your screen). Call me snob but the only people who are going to read this post have to be on FB.

All my waking hours (I hardly sleep at home and make up for the loss in office) is spend checking and finding if any of my friend has uploaded a nice picture or written something on the wall - it gives a perfect reason to connect and bond over common things (and make up for the stupidity that I did all my life until last month when I discovered FB). I feel purged now. Thanks FB.

On last count, I have 48 friends, 61 friend requests, 6 friends suggestion and 5 group invitation. So much for being on FB ('I am not alone, you listening' - this one is for my ex ex GF). GF is short for girlfriend (don't assume it to be some sister site of FB). If you didn't know what GF is, I would request you to click on the cross sign on the top right of this page. Call me prig.

Just like we choose our friends carefully in the real world we should be careful who is on our friend list on FB (and also who is reading our blog post.)

Some stellar tips for the newbies (advisory - follow on your own peril).

- Keep your boss and your subordinate out of your friend list (why do you want them to know what you doing this evening?)

- Only add colleagues who have a common objective (ready enemy - the good old boss)

- Put the best of your pictures clicked at the most exotic locales and most expensive spots (for obvious reasons)

- Never have your ex or current on your friend list (do I need to explain this also to you. Could you please look for the cross sign on...)

- Comment only on pictures where people have left their comments (to let them know you have same if not better taste)

- In comments always mention or suggest a better beach, restaurant, holiday spot etc. (shows you are not less travelled then them)

- And when you get busted simply choose the virtual death (delete your profile)

If you have persisted reading this post you could leave a comment with your name and email, I would like to see you in my friend list on FB.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

'A bit' means:To a small degree and 'To Break' means a lot

Quite a bit has happened since the last post. I have slept a bit, read a bit, eat a bit and relaxed a bit. I am exhausted.

I have been shooting the bull at my favorite and only group on FB (for the uninitiated its Facebook, duffer) and have inspired one of my old friend to take hunting in the process. I slapped couple of posts for another of my blog after trawling the net for hours - do I hear plagiarism claims. They don't call me the blog guy for nothing.

Also, I was into breaking. Breaking rules, protocols, promises and hearts... alas! Forgot to mention, I broke some new grounds and would write about them some other time (remember promises). And finally, I broke bread with good old friend Krishan.

Open the windows please, someone broke the wind while breaking ice.

'In a bit, Sir.'


Friday, January 22, 2010

Calling Ferdinand

My childhood story...

I was the shortest in my class and hated standing in front almost every year except 8th standard. I had picked up a bit of pace that year than one of the kid in the class. It didn't happen on its own; I had worked hard that winter - stretched till my tendons ached and tested my ligaments. I even split my grandpa's apple tree in the courtyard by swinging up and high - I nearly broke my back in the process.

I was proud of my efforts until the monsoon season that year when the little boy in front sprung up mysteriously and forced me to be the first in morning assembly queue (again). I hardly got view from the back since then.

Today, I look back and enjoy those moments - the line used to start from where I used to stand (a la Amitabh Bachan in Kalia).

Disadvantages of being the shortest in the class:

- You get called names... real nasty ones
- You are easy prey of the class bullies
- You are made to sit on the front bench (and miss the fun)
- You the first one in assembly queue (and you again miss the fun)
- You have to run errands for the senior boys etc.

Then, I had a phobia. Phobia of the city kids - I used to break into sweat and my mouth would dry each time I was introduced to the city bred kids by my parents. I literally grew up holding my mom's rezta. And, over it I was confused. Confused with thousands of questions which nobody could answer.

Still, those were the best days of my life. I miss them.

I wish we all could be FERDINAND - the bull who used to sit under the cork tree and smell the flowers and was happy.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Why So Serious?

I not only watch my step these days, I have even started watching my smile. I no longer give liberty to my facial muscles albeit I might be misunderstood. I feel obliged to educated my friends and readers on usage of smile to avoid embarrassment and ignominy though in the process they might have to forgo some royal attention from the media monkeys.

Mr Rathore had been in news more for his 'smirk' than his wrongdoing which undid him; I nearly split my guts. The 'smirk' was read and interpreted as an affected expression of a powerful Mr Rathore for which he was almost lynched by media. Mr Rathore might have misread the situation and wanted to display fortitude which he recently cleared that he learned it from one of our late prime minister in the process inviting more wrath and fury for being a loudmouth (or was he trying to say that he would have the last laugh). Mr Rathore better wipe his smile smirk and zip his lips.

Lesson 1 - Practice your smile.

Mr Rathore should have practiced his smile. He should have had a 'grimace' than a 'smirk' expressing his anxiety and troubled state of mind but it seems his misfitted denture might have stretched the muscles a little too far giving out his actual expression - the smirk.

Lesson 2 - Learn the meaning and the usage of different smile types.

grin - to draw back the lips and reveal the teeth; the media is having a field day over Mr Rathore's retort and the media bosses are grinning.

beam - smile radiantly; the journalists beamed when they captured the news bite from Mr Rathore.

smirk - smile affectedly or derisively; Mr Rathore smirked and rest is history.

sneer - smile contemptuously; no example

grimace - contort the face to indicate a certain mental or emotional state; Mr Rathore didn't grimaced when he came out of the court.

Lesson 3 - One should know history of smile.

Many biologists think the smile started as a sign of fear. Primalogist traces the smile back over 30 million years of evolution to the "fear grin". Monkeys and apes used barely clenched teeth to portray to predators that they were harmless. Biologists believe the smile has evolved differently among species and especially among humans.

What say you? And by the way has any one heard of the "Pan American smile".

Keep smiling.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Call US Snobs

I feel there is no harm in getting a swelled head as long as one is able to fit his favourite cap. Suit(e) yourself.

I started my blog after an exciting pissing game with one of the bloggers, who proudly announced that he works from home and denounced working for the government as he felt the higher ups in the government jobs are snobs and behave like lords. The fella couldn't take it and moved on to greener pastures (joined an IT company). Hats off.

He asked for an opinion on his post which I couldn't resist holding back. Rest is history - it left him a bit famous and a lot conceited (swelled headed) and I walked away as a blogger wishing him luck.

They say people's head swell when they taste a bit of success. To test this unfound theory, I observed people closely over the last couple of months and found that most associated success with material gains (no brainer) and the shift in attitude is subtle but noticeable. The mannerism, the walk, the talk change and so does the cronies.

If this is what success does to an individual then I am game for it. I hate the way I walk and talk (honestly it's not too bad though) and over it I have been conditioned to be humble and grounded. And till today, I am almost grounded (with my feet firmly planted). But it doesn't help much.

Sometime back, I had a T shirt which said - 'Call us snobs but the only card we accept is our own'. A friend picked it up for me from his favourite watering hole in Bangalore at dirt cheap price. I loved what it said and it kind of gave a voice and direction to me (till then I was clueless and after possessing it I became a snob).

It had quite a profound effect on me and unconsciously my mannerism changed when I had it on. I wore it almost everywhere and looked down on the insignificant mortals and when it lost it's sheen and the lettering faded a bit (thanks to the efforts of my maid), I switched to wearing it as an undershirt and with it I lost my snob value.

If the word 'SNOB' could have such an effect then why blame 'SUCCESS'?.
Each morning I observe my head carefully in the mirror, just in case.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Idiot

I watched 3 idiots the other day and walked out a very upset man (they seem to have stolen my jokes and gags) and not to mention poor Chetan's credit. Even I want my claim of credit and I don't mind even if it is placed before The END.

I was very like the 3 idiots and did much more then what they 3 did put together but I am still at the mercy of few good men for elevation in the hierarchy. They are perched on top of this virtual tree and all I see from where I am is you know well and even I aspire to join them (where is myself respect?).

I changed colleges, switched professions and hopped jobs and girlfriends on the call of my inner voice (which seem to have misled me). I chant allz well every time my mom taunts me when she sees my good boss giving me grief - 'beta kaha tha na!'. I have become a little wise with time; today a colleague who was visibly upset talked back and I let it pass without screwing his happiness (which is exceptional). He returned after a while and apologised regretting or fearing (that his smile might be wiped off). Jahanpana tussi great ho... It doesn't matter anymore... does it?

It's freezing cold outside and I forgot the combination to open my new strolly. I was too excited to get it as a gift and in that same excitement neatly secured my best and heavy winter clothes with the key combination: 0,0,0 or was it 0,1,0 or 9,9,9. I have tried almost all the combinations: my school roll number, my school crush's roll number, my house number, her house number, my ex's house number etc but failed to undo the lock.

These days, strolly and I have started to exchange dialogues.
Excerpt from one of the few polite conversations.

Strolly: 'Hi!'
Me: 'Hello!'
Strolly: 'So, did you get the combination?'
Me: 'No. I can't figure', with a sigh!.
Strolly: 'Do you know, you are an idiot',
Me: 'Am I. Thanks'.

So much for the difficult cold times.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Original New Year Resolution

Most have expressed their dissatisfaction on the year (2009) that just passed by. Some had to forgo heft pay raise, some promotions and some were unhappy at the paltry returns offered for their investment and some were chaffed because of high inflation (the veggie bag never appeared so big). But, I am upset that it has added one more year to my bulging age account with vivid and grotesque visions of old age couple with groans and pains. Time can't be stopped and age can't be reversed but the claims of age defying creams and the Fountain of Youth have lured many to spend millions. In whispers ... (Does anybody know where is the Fountain of Youth?)

It seems not many would want to 'live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse'.

I have become so used to not making resolutions that it didn't occur to me that I almost missed this ritual this new year eve until I came across a well articulated article in one of the dailies. It meticulously ranked the resolutions with a percentage (Analytic Journalism). 'No resolution' took the cake.

That set me thinking.

I wanted to start small. I have heard of (and experienced) the lofty airy resolution which takes one to the dizzying heights and then the next month (week or may be day) splatters blood and teeth on the floor (another resolution bites the dirt). So, I wanted to start small.

I started really small. My first thought and resolution was to pick up the dirty laundry strewn artistically all over the house (and of course washing in private). Second random thought that crossed my mind was to clean up the food residue that had beautifully layered on the inside of my refrigerator (so much for being single); I didn't dare to look around too much in the kitchen.

Setting these two tasks as the goals for the first week have tired me (mentally). Three days have passed and I am still to decide where to start. Maybe, I would take a rain check.
- Did I hear someone say it’s raining outside.

Hope you all have a wonderful and dream fulfilling (dreamy) 2010.

The Original New Year Resolution Dictionary.

1. No resolution (I am too embarrassed to spell them)
2. Give up junk food and loose weight (I would try KFC's fried chicken and go easy on Mc fries)
3. Quit drinking and smoking (I would change my peer group)
4. Learn a new language (Nobody understood me last year. Maybe...)
5. Work hard and move up the career ladder (I was passed for promotion but I would strike back)
6. Maintain Work-life balance (Would spend less time at work)
7. Read a book each month (I would buy a book each month)
8. Broaden my horizon (Would look for more office junkets)
9. Give time to needy and help charities (Save on tax)
10. Holistic living (Eat, sleep and make merry)